IF at first you don't succeed, try try again. ut it really all depends on your definition of "succeed". To me, just getting up off the couch to do somehting makes me a winner.

This holiday, I'm thankful for friends, I'm thankful for family, I'm thankful for love, I'm thankful for faith, I'm thankful for bears, I'm thankful for scrunchies,I'm thankful for misogony,I'm thankful for juice, I'm thankful for that sensation you get when you wear jeans with no underwear, I'm thankful for old ornery Kung-Fu masters, I'm thankful for Uma, I'm thankful for spoons, I'm thankful for bakeries, I'm thankful for old people driving, I'm thankful for sun spots, I'm thankful for portable automated back massagers, I'm thankful for Pez, I'm thankful for unicorns, I'm thankful for The Village People, and god and all that stuff.

Thou shat not kill.unless some a**hole breaks in line in front of you for the new Playstation.

"Everyone has somone they work with who's this close to gettin an ass whoopin and they don't even know it."-D.L. Hughley

Sigh-that person is not here this week, and in a weird way, I miss them. I really feel like talking smack today. Guess I'll have to make fun of midgets again.

True procrastinators put much more effort into avoiding somehting than it would actually take to get that thing done.

Today, a Haiku:

nude except boxers
On demand adult movies
where is the Kleenex

"To die would be a great adventure"-I don't know who said that.

Yes maybe thats true, but a great adventure to me at this point in my life is getting through the counter at Walgreens w/o some old lady with 500 items and 50 coupons(25 of which are not for the items she actually has, but shes gonna dispute that or go back and try to find the right stuff) haggling with the new girl behind the counter about that 1.50 stuffed animal that was accidentally placed in the 1.00 rack and she wants to have the .50 taken off, so the new girl behind the register is nervous and doesnt know how to say "tough shit, it's only 50 cents" so she calls the manager and dammit I just wanted a Gatorade and a pack of cigarettes and yes I realize that they probably cancel each other out.

Happy Monday faithful readers. Once again, I was out Friday, so I'm sure your all chomping at the bit for a new entry. Well, you're gonna get it, just let me think of one.....

Great poetry is a gift to society that must be treasured forever. I wonder if Best Buy would give me a refund if I brought Jewel in with a sticker on her.

Never invite cannibals over for a vegetarian dinner. You can change some peoples philosophies, but they're pretty set in their ways. And they might eat you.

I was sick yesterday, fearless readers, so pardon my absence.

You always hurt the one you love. But it was her fault. I expect to have dinner waiting on me when I get home,and it wasnt so the bitch had it comin.